Monday, 15 October 2007

What is Love?

Earlier this year, someone who had come across one of my blogs sent me a comment thanking me for my blog. He also included his blog address. Soon we started communicating by email and exchanging ideas. He was an avid reader of my blog as I was of his. I enjoyed reading his day to day experiences and insights. I also knew he was married with two kids.

Six months later when he was in business in London we arranged to meet up for lunch. A part of me was very excited to meet up with an Internet friend whom I liked chatting to. The moment I saw him I "recognised" him, I knew we had this deep connection that goes beyond forever and I had a feeling we had planned this meeting before time. We also discovered that we had a strong emotional connection. It now made sense why things weren't moving as quickly as I wanted to at the time - because I had been waiting for him to appear.

After our meeting, we continued to exchange emails and we both discovered we loved each other at such a deep level that I only needed to think about him and I would feel his presence. My friend said he loved his family and yet he'd never felt this strong connection with anyone else before. Was it possible we were twin flames and that such a concept exists?

In the past, I've had lots of discussions with another friend who is married to his twin flame and it wasn't something I could accept at the time. I always believed everyone was my soul mate. Besides, how is it possible to love one specially when we are all one? And yet ever since I was a child, I've had a memory of coming to this reality with a soul partner who I was going to meet up with at some point. I knew my friend to be that partner.

Meeting my friend proved to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we were twins joined as one. On the one hand, we were individuals and yet we were one. This meant at any moment he could feel what I was feeling and vice versa. I could cite so many wonderful examples of how we were two beings thinking as one.

Soon we embarked on a love affair where we met when he was on his business trip. We were passionately in love. We've exchanged hundreds of love letters sharing our hopes and dreams. We even discussed moving in together and marriage in the future though I made it clear I didn't want any kids.

How is it possible that I who believed so much in love could be having an affair with a married man? Our love felt so real and true to us that it transcended social mores. In fact, I felt like we were married as Spirit and he was the one having an affair with his worldly attachments.

It hasn't been easy of course. I've wanted so much to cut off the emotional bond we had. I've tried to break it off, at one point, I've even dumped him by text message; well, I didn't feel like waiting till the next day to put what I was feeling in writing. One night I asked for the bond we had to be severed. A Voice within told me that I could NEVER sever that bond between we are one forever.

It recently came to the crunch when it was time to make a decision, leave his wife and be together. He and his wife have had a long discussion about things including our relationship and they've decided to try and make things work between them and keep the family together.

How does this make me feel? Well, I'm now questioning everything I held to be true including the nature of love. Is there such a thing as true love? Can real love keep me severed to one I cannot be with? Am I having one long nightmare?

It has been love that has inspired me to write and share the stories I share on the Internet. It is love that has enabled me to know myself. Right now I'm feeling like I've lost faith in everything I held to be true, including love.

I've also lost faith in myself. If I can't believe in myself then what do I have?

Who the hell am I?

Help me someone!

Enocia

Related articles: Text Messages; You Rang, Milady?; Devotion; Pandora's Box; Hugs and Kisses; Why am I?