Tuesday, 16 October 2007

Open for Business

Yesterday I went through a crisis of confidence when I doubted who I was and my belief in love, which has been my foundation. I felt like my heart was closing down.

Fast forward to the middle of last night. I woke up to a Presence of pure love. I recognised it as the love of my Beloved that which is my True Self. I basked in LOVE for hours then my Beloved started speaking to me. He reminded me that despite how I had been feeling, my heart had been open all day long to receive HIS love. I was then shown some evidence. Who says you need to die to have a life review?

Flashback to yesterday morning. While I was going through doubts, my initial instinct was to run away and hide. I decided I was NEVER going to write again. But then I had a thought that before I implement this decision, why not write one last article about why I was feeling so down? Then I can stop doing what I love FOREVER.

Then I posted the article at a forum and I asked for prayers. I received lots of support, love and wonderful insights from my friends. If I had shut down, I wouldn't have recognised my friends' support nor would I have even been in the mood for sharing. I was also aware that my sense of humour was very much intact. In other words, when I was down, I was up.

After that, I wrote two more pieces for my blog, just for old time's sake. I also exchanged a few emails with some friends. No comment!

Later on my way home, I met this lady at the bus stop and I said hello to her. She seemed very open and friendly. Hmmm, my heart has let me down again!

As we got on the bus I realised that I had travelled on the bus that morning with my expired bus pass. It's funny how when I had shown the driver the expired bus pass, he had completely ignored me. Now it made sense - he had been ignoring me for my own good. That memory made me chuckle. Damn joy won't leave me alone!

I stopped off at a supermarket to run an errand for my mother and I noticed people were so kind. The check out assistant smiled sweetly when I got to her till and I smiled back. I can't be that closed then if I'm receptive to her smile.

At home, mum asked me how I was feeling and we talked about it. She served me some dinner and we watched television together. We had a very good evening as it goes. Closed heart? I think not.

Alright, you've made your point, BELOVED! My heart is always open for business.

Love always.

Enocia

Related articles: That's Me!; What is Love?: Earth is All Heart; Love Always; Love Letter